Rather than kill him, I decide to get some toilet paper, grab him gently and then flush him - leaving the God of Wasps to decide whether or not he makes it through the Mansfield Water and Sewage Treatment System alive.

I grab him gently with the toilet paper, and then time slows to a crawl. About the time that I realize that my thumb is exposed, he realizes it too, and stings me. I feel it slowly going in to my thumb, then there is a sensation of battery acid crawling through my veins...

'Holy Fucking Mother of Christ on a Bike!'

J. comes running in, realizing that this may just be serious enough (or funny enough) to warrant leaving his favorite video game for.

'What's wrong?'
'Fucking sonovabitch Wasp just sting me. Ow! Ow!'

Now when I was a kid, I got stung by a bee, on the elbow. It hurt a little but not much.

I've never been stung by a wasp before, and I've heard all sorts of horror stories about anaphalactic shock etc., so I'm trying to call R. on the phone, but the damn hand won't work 'cos it hurts like Rhino buggery.

'Call your mom, ask her what to do!'

While J. is calling , I get over to the computer and one-handedly try and find a site about wasp stings.

'She's not answering her cell phone!'
'Shit, ok here's her office number'

So J. starts talking to the receptionist. R. is not there.

'Do you know anything about wasp stings? He asks her'

..pause...

'She says wet some tobacco and rub it on'

Fine. Since the wasp site isn't helping much, I peel apart a cigarette (which takes me back to my college days, I might add) and grab some tobacco and wet it, then smear it on my thumb.

Now I have a painful, smelly, brown thumb.

J. is still on the phone. Apparently another of R's coworkers now has the phone.

'B. says make a paste of baking soda and smear that on it!'

Fine. What the hell.

I grab some Clabbers and put it in a bowl with a little water, and then roll my thumb around in it.

Now I have a painful, wet, smelly, brown and white thumb.

'Any other ideas???'

'They're talking about it..' J. replies.

'Are they just coming up with funky shit to see what else I'll put on my thumb?'

I can easily imagine them doing this. 'Lets see if we can get him to smear jelly on it! No, no - Peanut Butter! Naah, not gross enough - how about birdshit?'

As it turned out, they were out of ideas (thankfully) and basically implied that despite having a wet,brown, white, smelly, painful thumb, I didn't appear to be swelling up or having a heart attack or getting puffy about the eyes, I should probably just shut up and deal with it.

So that's what I did.

Within about half an hour, the pain was manageable, and by this morning, I'd forgotten about the whole thing (I think the Merlot General Anaesthetic helped). Which is why it didn't make it into my morning entry.

And I think that's what was nagging at me this morning. So now we know :)

As for the wasp? J. asked the same question.

"I'm gonna get medieval on his ass..." I told him.

I didn't though.

He was still in the tissue paper, still twitching, though clearly not happy. I'm not into torturing animals. At least not directly. I flushed him.

Then took a very satisfying dump, and flushed again...

Enjoy your lunch ;>