Latest Older
Crabs and CarbsCrabs and Carbs

2003-06-25 - 8:52 p.m.
The wine slides easily over my tongue and I sloosh it around inside my mouth, allowing it to release from hidden crevices little pieces of this evening's dinner. Only red wine can really get to the places that chewing gum and water and mouthwash strain to find.

I am drinking a 97 Merlot. 1997 was a good year for California's reds, and I feel my mood lifting as it warms my stomach and heart and soul, like the lifeblood a vampire might seek. It contains two things that are important to me: Alcohol, and carbohydrates. I find most of my life works in pairs like that. The things that are important to me always combine my needs and desires in pairs. Take blowjobs for example. Getting blown combines two of my favorite pastimes very effectively. These are:

  • Having Sex
  • Doing Nothing.

    In fact, if you were to give me a decent Merlot and some decent head, you could put a bullet through my brain and my life would be complete.

    Why all this uncharacteristic meandering? Put it down to

  • A shitty Day
  • The Wine
  • The lack of Carbs in my diet.

    I just had a moment that I will share with you for the Halibut. I accidentally typed 'A lack of Crabs in my diet'. Hmmm. Are there any carbs in crab legs I wonder? I'll have to investigate that.

    Okay you see that chat box on the right? Well I didn't put it up there just for my health you know! Write something dammit! Wow, I am crabby tonight...

    The reason my day was shitty was because JW, ABAP programmer extraordinaire was jumping all over my shit because I'd hard-coded some values in a program I'd written. There are so many things wrong with this I'm going to have a hard time laying them all out.

  • It's none of his goddam business how I code my programs
  • I am well aware of why hard coding is bad, I've been coding for 23 years.
  • I am also aware that the user has been waiting for this report, which took me an hour and a half to write, for nearly TWO YEARS.
  • Since I am new to ABAP, I copied the hard coded section from HIS program in the first place.
  • JW's preferred method of coding, and the standard he would like me to follow, takes 3 times longer to run than the SQL statements I prefer to use, but have chosen not to out of respect for his superior ABAP skills.

    Well, I can see that I may have to PERFORM Attitude_Adjustment USING JW if he tries this again, and explain in no uncertain terms that I am not the individual with whom to fuck. Personally, I think he's worried. This is only my fourth ABAP program, and the HR director seems ready to get down on her knees and allow me to do nothing whilst having sex as long as I write more reports with such speed.

    That's alright, got nothing but love for ya, JW.

    J. is home. His dad to him and K. to six flags today, and he called his mom and had her pick him up. K. and her dad are still there. Hopefully I'll be nicely drunk by the time they get here.

    It's conceivable I may have to shake his hand this evening. 'Hi, buddy, how you doing? How's that wifeless trailer working out for ya? Great, Great...'. It's been six years since I broke their home, and since R. broke mine. The home we have now is nicer, but I will always feel bad, because Sandy deserved better treatment than she got. Well let's be clear on that: She actually got very good treatment. She just deserved not to be 'better-dealed'. But that's what I did. What a bastard I must seem.

    Whatever. I'm done for now. I'm going to sit out in the garden and drink my wine. I may sing quietly, if no-one complains...

    Today's Website

    Hermit Crab Care

    Today's Quote:

    "If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs

    I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons."-

    James Thurber

    Today's Bizarre Picture:

    Best blogs on politics


  • Name: Catpewk
  • Age: 43
  • Status: Separated
  • Kids: Yes
  • Cats: Yes
  • Fish: Yes
  • Dogs: No
  • Lemurs: No
  • Profession: Geek
  • Passion: Writer
  • Religion: In Progress
  • Photos
  • Leave a Note
  • Email Catpewk
  • All Your Comments are Belong to Us
  • Profile
  • PaganNews.com
  • Start a Diary
    Next

    hosted by DiaryLand.com