In fact it was a lot worse than that. Standing in the middle of the street at 6:30 in the morning, yelling and screaming at the top of my voice like a crazy person.

I could not believe it. I could not fucking believe it. I reversed out of my driveway and began my turn when 'Craaaaack'. I'd reversed into this fucking Ryder truck that was parked across the stree. There is never anything parked there. I usually have a clear turning area.

I drive a 2002 Toyota Solara. It is always a little tricky maneuvering out of the driveway, so I drive as slow as possible. I can't have been doing more than 8mph when I hit the truck. So naturally, the entire rear-end is toast.

I am not a happy camper. I am now going to have to deal with bullshit from the insurance companies for the next two months, run up bills I can't afford and basically be terminally PISSED OFF for several weeks.

I HATE shit like this. I particularly hate shit like this when its basically my fault. Because I should have seen the truck. But I didn't. It was never there the other 400 times I pulled out of my driveway, why should it be there now??? Doesn't matter. Its my fault. Which means I have to fork over a $200 deductible at least, and I'm sure the insurance company will find a way to claim its really a $500 deductible. And I'll get screwed as usual. Because I always get screwed. That's what happens to me. Everyone else sues people for no good reason and gets good shit they don't deserve, because they don't take responsibility. Nothing is ever their fault. But I do take responsibility. This WAS my fault. What will I get out of this? More fucking bills. I am sick of this. Sick sick sick of this. And the only solution, the only REAL solution to changing this pattern in my life is to start being an asshole and not accepting responsibility; blame everything on other people, like the rest of the morons on this fucked up planet do.

I can't do that. It is inherently not me. Shit, I even take responsibility for crap that ISN'T my fault. I apologize for other peoples actions. I clean up messes that other people have made just so there are no more messes. And I'm SICK of it. But I will keep doing it, because I'm a nice guy, or a stupid guy, or soft in the head, or soft in the heart.

So screw it, people want to fuck me over, fine. Idiots want to avoid their responsibilities? Fine. The insurance company wants to screw me out of another $300? Up my premium? Fine and fine. I could give a rat's ass. Maybe I'll lose. Maybe I'll get poor or fall out the rat race and my wife will leave me and I'll go bankrupt. Fine and fine. At the bottom of the food chain there's a lot less people telling you what to do and the sex is better. So fuck it. Fuck all of it. One day I'll die. Maybe alone and unloved, surrounded by cats, that will munch on my body when I die under a railway bridge because I'm the only meal they've had in days. I could care less. No-one gets out alive. We all die. We all end up wormfood, or cat food. Maybe there's a life after death. Great, I'll probably find a way to get shat upon there too. Maybe there's just death after death. In which case it doesn't matter a whooppee shit what we do, does it? So I'm getting screwed today. Big deal. Billions of people get screwed every day. What makes me so special? Easy answer to that: I make me so special. This is my life. I am the center of it. All information in the universe that I care about is received into my brain, and interpreted by me. The only thing a person can do in this world is 'know thyself'. You cannot know other people. Not as well as you think you do. The only person you can really know inside and out is you. But a lot of people don't even know that much. They don't know when they're wrong. They don't believe they're capable of making bad decision. So people like me end up being the human race's bitch, and taking it up the ass on behalf of everyone else. I am sick of this fucking martyr complex piece of my nature. Truly, royally, completely, utterly and every other word that ends in '-ly' sick of it.

Bollocks. Fuck 'em all. And Fuck insurance companies, and big yellow trucks that park across people's driveways...