I am having a hard time getting started this morning, even though I'm working from home.
Tonight is the christmas party. I suppose we'll go. Maybe I'll take a camera and get some pictures. Maybe I won't.
This isn't going to be much of an entry today I'm afraid. Things are incredibly busy right now, and I run out of time so quickly.
I still have to send in interview questions to red wheel for the current author we're interviewing.
Since I don't want to you feeling jibbed, here's a space filling cow thingy that's kind of cute.
DEMOCRAT
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.
.
REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?
.
SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form
a
cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
.
COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait
in line
for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.
.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to
support a
man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift
from
your government.
.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other,
pays you
for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.
.
AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd
one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are
surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to
the
analysts stating you have down sized and are reducing expenses.
Your
stock goes up.
.
FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch
and drink
wine.
Life is good.
.
JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one tenth the size of an ordinary
cow and
produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at
the top
of their class at cow school.
.
GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer,
give
excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately
they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
.
ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While
ambling
around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is
good.
.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more
vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows
up and
takes over however many cows you really have.
.
TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don't
milk them
because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. Then you
kill
them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the
hospital.
.
IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.
.
POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk
them.
.
FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who
like the
brown one best, vote for the black one. Some people vote for
both. Some
people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a
bunch of
guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best looking cow.
.
CALIFORNIAN
You have a cow and a bull.
The bull is depressed.
It has spent its life living a lie.
It goes away for two weeks.
It comes back after a taxpayer-paid sex-change operation. You
now have
two cows.
One makes milk; the other doesn't.
You try to sell the transgender cow.
Its lawyer sues you for discrimination.
You lose in court.
You sell the milk-generating cow to pay the damages. You now
have one
rich, transgender, non-milk-producing cow. You change your
business to
beef. PETA pickets your farm. Jesse Jackson makes a speech in
your
driveway. Cruz Bustamante calls for higher farm taxes to
help "working
cows". Hillary Clinton calls for the nationalization of 1/7 of
your farm
"for the children".
Gray Davis signs a law giving your farm to Mexico. The L.A.
Times quotes
five anonymous cows claiming you groped their teats. You declare
bankruptcy and shut down all operations. The cow starves to
death.
The L.A. Times' analysis shows your business failure is Bush's
fault.
