"J., I have a couple of bucks if you want us to stop at Taco Bell on the way home."

When a teenager won't eat it, you should probably call in Hazmat...

This is a quick quiet, lonely entry. R. and J. have gone to bed. Will no-one stay awake with me? Most of those who regularly read my diary won't get to see this entry. Maybe the UK crowd. But I'll probably have another one up by the time America wakes up so no-one will be any the wiser. I'm in the kind of mood where I would, when I was younger, make annoying phonecalls to John and Paul at 1:00 in the morning my time, which unfortunately was usually seven o'clock their time and so the phone calls weren't much appreciated. I guess I'm too old for that shit now. But I still get lonely.

Surrounded by people who love me because of who I am or in spite of who I am (who the hell knows), I still feel lonely. I can't call my mum or my sister when I'm awake, because I know she isn't. I haven't had a family christmas in 14 years. And I will never have the one christmas I want ever again. The one where my dad falls asleep in the chair after having a couple too many whiskies and sodas and telling us stories from his younger days.

He told me one story about this guy that he used to work with in a metal factory that got his fingers caught in the saw thing that cuts the metal into sheets. He wasn't concentrating and he slipped and he lost all the finger on both hands to this machine.

"Was he able to get them sewn back on?" I remember asking in horror.
"Nope. They never got his fingers to the hospital."
"Why not?" I asked, eyes wide. The bastard must have been planning this one for days/

"Couldn't pick them up, could he?" followed by the evil grin.

I miss you dad. And I miss getting drunk with John and Paul. And I miss the rest of my family. I wish they would all come out here to see me. I wish yoyo could too. She'd love it out here. Even if she skipped here, I'd love her to go see Boxx and Kitty. (And I'm too drunk to put the links in, so forgive me guys, please). The big difference between the US and the rest of the world is that americans expect to be happy, and they get pissed when they're not. The rest of the world expects to be treated like shit. They're usually right...

I think I need to go to bed before I start getting feisty.