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Tele-evangelists are Electric MonksTele-evangelists are Electric Monks

2005-11-29 - 8:09 a.m.
The other day I wrote a guest entry on chickpea981 (thank you, dear :) , and since it got a good response and people have started farming it around the net, I figured I should put it here too. It is nothing amazingly exciting, it is simply a list of stuff I have figured out, that you can pretty much rely on to hold up as truth under most circumstances. Forty-one and three quarter years on this planet, and this is what I have to show for it:

  • Most people don't do things they believe to be wrong.
  • A person is intelligent. People are stupid.
  • If God exists, he does not give a rat's ass what we do here. Do you care what games your children play with one another? They're just games....
  • There may be a way to establish a permanent spiritual connection for and with everyone. But I don't know what it is. I am fairly sure however, I know what it is not.
  • It is not a pay-as-you-go service.
  • God does not care whether or not I give 10% of my Salary to tele-evangelists. Only tele-evangelists do.
  • Tithe-ing means buying the services of someone whose job it is to tell you what to believe, so you don't have to figure it out for yourself.
  • Lotteries are a tax on people who can't do math.
  • Access to information has gotten better over the last ten years.
  • People have gotten stupider and more apathetic over the last ten years.
  • It may be enough to die an honorable man or woman...
  • ...but it may not be enough to feed your family.
  • Never play cards with anyone whose first name is a city.
  • If you are reading this, then however bad you think your life is, I guarantee you it is nothing compared to how bad most of the world has it.
  • One of the reasons our sons and daughters die and get injured more frequently in foreign wars is because we pitched a fit about how badly they were getting treated when the military was teaching them in how to survive. Now they're training sucks.
  • Another reason our sons and daughters die and get injured is because we don't pitch a fit in a meaningful way when our governments do things they shouldn't.
  • Morality is just a code of Social Conduct that varies from place to place.
  • Believing something is morally right, does not make it right. In England the age of consent is 16. In the US it is 18. Who is right? Cheeseburgers are consumed at an alarming rate in the West. Eating Beef is immoral in India. Who is right? Little boys have their genitals mutilated routinely at birth in the US. Little girls have theirs mutilated at birth in some arab countries. Who is right?
  • If your moral viewpoint contradicts a local statute, then take comfort in the 11th Commandment.
  • The 11th commandment is don't get caught.
  • If you research the other 10 commandments, you will be suprised to find they are not what you have been brought up to believe they are.
  • Sometimes, it is okay to be imprisoned for your beliefs. Unless your belief was that the security guard was asleep.
  • Anyone who gets mad when you question their faith, doesn't really have any.
  • Anger and Hate are both forms of Fear.
  • Love is all you need. If you have love, problems don't seem so important.
  • You cannot buy love. However, you can rent it at quite reasonable rates in Nevada and Amsterdam.
  • Guns don't kill people. People with guns kill people.
  • No one has the right to tell you how to live, or what to believe.
  • By the same token, no one has to hang around you if you choose to be an asshole.
  • Everyone is an asshole occasionally, you only don't notice it personally when you're and asshole all the time.
  • If you're pissed off at someone or something, don't take it out on someone else.
  • You have a heart. Take care of it in all possible ways.
  • You have a brain. Use it. "I don't know" should only be used to answer questions such as "What is in this hot dog?".
  • We are expected to accept too many things on the word of people who would benefit personally from lying to us.
  • Don't take things that aren't yours.
  • Take a nap when you need one.
  • Put things back where you got them from.
  • Don't write endless lists for no apparent reason.
  • Oops...

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